being stuck sucks.

Apparently many people blog more often when they're winning. I like to rant when I finish really awful sessions. Therapeutic or simply reinforcing negativity in my head? Not certain yet. It especially sucks cause I've been on vacation for the past week, itching to play, and I fail miserably when I finally get back to the tables.

I began the day by reminding myself how lucky I was. I have the freedom and capacity to do things I adore, have (for the most part) supportive friends and family, and all my loved ones are healthy and content. Vegas, L.A., and San Diego with the fam was amazing as I got to show my mother places and attractions she would probably otherwise never have the motivation to see, and it felt really damn good doing something for them. It has truly made me want to work harder to put more smiles on their faces.

Sleepless in L.A.

Maybe it's all the coffee, tea, and energy drinks I consumed trying to stay awake for the tourny, but I was only able to sleep for 2 hours before I had to go downstairs to feed my belly. Oh, and I only had a muffin and apple to eat yesterday, which made my usually bland seafood rice noodle soup taste wonderful. I was debating whether to play or not, but instead I decided to try this new self-management thing and came back upstairs to clean my suite instead. This new age thing better work!

I have to admit I've always been quite messy and unorganized. Perhaps I'm just making excuses (again), but I think it may have to do with my unstable lifestyle since I was very little. I was constantly on the road traveling between my parents' places and I just never got into the habit of being tidy because I never stayed at one place long enough to become settled. I've always had this "what's the point?" mentality, but now that I am older I can definitely see the theory behind orderly self-management as a reflection of inner productivity. I've never really had much incentive to change my messy ways, but I'd like to think that I'll never be too old to change for the better when the motivation is there.

Slumdog Millionaire is my most recent two-thumbs-up flick. A heart-touching hollywood/bollywood tale of a boy with a seemingly written destiny; every milestone of his life brought him closer to a single goal. It has a really great screenplay and makes you feel good inside whether you believe in fate or not. I'd like to think that a lot of my past decisions have brought me closer to poker lol. My memories of my grandma on my dad's side in China was almost purely those of her playing Mahjong, and I took every opportunity to annoy adults with stupid questions. I've known my poker hands since I was about 5, and played variants of Big2 with my other grandma and my cousins for as long as I could remember. I used to watch God of Gambling movies over and over when I visited my dad on some weekends, and I was beating adults in connect-5 and GO into the wee hours of the morning every week when my mom and stepdad threw parties. I was a worthy competitor to national junior chess champions, and though my high school years were more about survival than gaming, I soon found myself waiting outside the casino for an influential ex-boyfriend while he played Hold'em when I was 17, and getting into the game itself in the first year of college. I visited Atlantic City for the first time when I was 18 and though I wasn't allowed to play anything, I was absolutely intrigued by the atmosphere and seemingly limitless potential of the gambling underworld. I started playing 2-5 at Brantford casino, a 30-minute drive from school right when I turned legal (an academically detrimental decision that costed me 2-4 days a week). For the first 3 years of college when poker blew up, I was making change online off SNGS and low limit hold'em, running a campus $1/2 game with partners, dealing and supervising at a charity casino in the summertime, and taking down local and school tournys. I took every opportunity to read up on the game and discuss strategies until my determination and drive to continually get better stalled when I ridiculously became addicted to Warcrack. When it became more difficult to win while duo-screening online poker and the MMORPG, I regrettably chose the latter. I then quit playing live poker for about a year around the time of a turbulent breakup (limited transportation and players I used to rob blind had bought a clue), and dealt at a couple of underground joints. It was during this time when a lot of players in the Waterloo community whom I was well acquainted through poker flourished ahead of the pack and are now highly-successful competitors in the field. Upon some supportive persuasion and limited options after retardedly not showing up to any finals one term, I moved to Niagara Falls and made a profitable living grinding the soft 5-5 ($500) game for a couple of months. I then went back to school to finish off my superfluous liberal arts B.A.

With my reinstated freedom, I have since then been on the road quite often coming and going where and when I please. This has proven to not necessarily be a good thing. I have gotten into a terrible habit of undervaluing money and making sub-prime lifestyle decisions. There are days when I absolutely crave more structure and perhaps even someone other than myself to answer to. This has been an incredible journey of self-discovery and I am incredibly thankful that I have made it thus far. I want to believe that I have reached an entire new level of my goal, where any further success can only be achieved when elements of self-actualization are present. I have an ego problem at times. It may be because I'm a girl in a male-dominated field, or I'm young, or because I know I am resilient and have overcome so many obstacles in the past that I think I can get out of any ditch. Poker is so awesome because it's self-correcting. It's my therapy. If I respect the game and its challenges, I believe it will treat me well in return, like it always has.

i put myself on tilt.

Uber tired from almost no sleep and playing great for 10 hours before calling off my stack with a shit hand. argharghargh
I hate it when i get spewy b/c i think ppl are trying to re-steal, and end up playing a huge pot when I'm super deep OOP on the bubble. Banning myself from tournys til I learn some more damn discipline.

Happy Lunar New Years!

First time I've had a room to myself for awhile; also the first time I've played a prolonged day shift. I didn't get much sleep at all since I stayed up watching The Reader. It's been awhile since a movie made me ball my eyes out like that. I feel like such a sap, and it's not even that time of the month lol. Kate Winslet is incredible as always and the young protagonist played by David Kross definitely had a very convincing charm. The movie is multi-faceted with numerous themes, but I think the taboo love story was by far the most powerful. However, I can't help but feel that it actually undermines the political/moral questions raised in its context.

Pokerwise, I must say I am happy with my performance for the day since I am not used to doing much of anything while the sun is still up. There are definitely a few hands I wish I could discuss with a confidante, but blogging will suffice for now. After playing for about 9 hours and not being able to find my friend, I checked back in at Crowne Plaza at a very special rate for the deluxe jacuzzi room after some never-fail persuasion. Of course I took the rare opportunity to sink right into a bathtub of bubbles before sleeping like a baby. However being the noob that I am, I overflooded the tub and turned the entire bathroom into a poofy mess. I woke up about an hour ago with a grumbling stomach so I guess I will be pulling in another session after I am done here.

I was quite disappointed when I was unable to meet my quota to make time/money for a quick return home for lunar new years. I know there were a lot of people counting on my return and cannot feel worse for letting them down. I also have student loans and a bunch of random stuff knocking on my wallet so I really need to put in the hours while juggling the added pressure. I think I have developed some essential strategies for the game here and really have one person to thank for all their dedication. I'm gonna keep being a two marshmallow kid and crush this game for the next couple of months before I take a break (also when the weather will be nicer back home xD).

january lessons
key themes: fundamentals, playing within my game, focus, and stack protection
learning to be humble
subconscious tilt
associational tilt
social metagame
argument against drawing when edge is present
perception of one long session
personal management
annnnd keeping the balla within in check :3

Steaminnng

1st LAPC tourny and quite excited to play. The turnout is insane and the vibe is surreal. Sitting second in chips until they went all-in on the turn with my 77 on A769 board vs. chipleader's A8. sigh 5. Pretty tilted atm but going downstairs to play some cash after I am finished ranting. Arghargh.

Inauguration dress FTW

Obama's epic inauguration speech touched me sincerely and I thought it'd be fun to wear a first lady-inspired dress at the tables. Unfortunately it did not enhance my poker skills. My past two sessions have truly brought out the social fish in me. I am easily manipulated if you have the motivation to appeal to my naivete. Poker players who want my money have that sort of motivation.

I am very upset at myself for soft-playing certain players in many situations and be psychologically defeated on so many levels for not having very much experience with the social metagame. I have been warned numerous times, but some recent examples are really forcing me to grow up in order to survive this game. Stacking resilience without compromising my core principles just became my priority du jour.

Tomorrow is day 1 of the LAPC. Wish me luck.

Observations, confrontations, oh my!

I'm still here in the City of Angels getting my grind on at the infamous Commerce Casino. Been making efforts to maintain a relatively healthy lifestyle by getting some exercise each day before sitting on my ass for a dozen hours, but it can be a problem sometimes when my schedule is so damn messed up. The game is not as good as it was during the holidays, but there is still lots of pocket-lining potential after tweaking my leaks and making conscious efforts to develop my play.

A player made an interesting observation about the city of L.A. the other day. He was from out-of-town and commented about the weird "energy" that was at the Commerce, which I have since reflected on. The casino itself is in an industrial and predominently Spanish-speaking town about 15 minutes from downtown L.A. It is the world's largest poker casino with over 200+ tables split into two main sections and with services you'd find at any high-end gambling facility, but it feels more like a chaotic sports arena rather than a high-roller's joint. The players vary from complete noobs to bracelet-holding pros, and fratboys to celebs and strippers. The tables are crammed into a grid with little room to maneuvre in between, which can make it difficult when there is a heirarchy of floorpersons, chiprunners, servers, porters, cocktail waitresses, masseuses, Blimpberry girls, candy girls, and railbirds fighting for legroom. The atmosphere is further characterized by a dizzying spectrum of noises from these parties with competing interests, so one can imagine that it can be more difficult than other places to stay goal-oriented. Ah, but it is a place that tests true character.

My friend Tri has been consistently encouraging me to work hard for the next 6 months after cramming some numbers, and he put my situation quite bluntly into perspective: I can either focus tirelessly for the next little while and accumulate an income equal to the top 5% of Canadian earners, or I could let my mind and eyes wander off and be distracted by the naturally temptation-inducing L.A. lifestyle as a young person. Q also constantly warns me of the common mistake of many poker players to get caught-up with too much partying in the city after moving there and being forced to return home. I will not let this happen so long as I still want to play. Yes, I do miss the unequivocal VIP treatment from my home casino and not feeling like I'm being thrown into a ring of ravenous vultures everytime I step into the pit, but I am stepping up and thinking long-term.

Sometimes I surprise myself thinking about how much I've changed since I was a punkass teenager. I've recently been experimenting with an ultra-aggressive gear that seems to instigate confrontation from dumb players. Well, dumb people would be more accurate. As I was trying to extract information when faced with a strange river bet as the preflop aggressor in a pot against a guy who was taking my style as a personal attack, this annoying girl who was attempting to flirt with everyone at the table started ranting about how I was taking a long time and directed a series of rude comments at me instead of simply calling time. I gave in to the pressure and folded my hand as the donk villain turned over a bluff. At this point, I confronted her rude behaviour and lack of etiquette, and the argument became quite heated as crowds were drawn. If this was years ago, I would not have hesitated to kick her ass to Beijing, and for the most part, I am proud of myself for handling the situation the way I did. I felt especially blessed when Tri came over to my table and started wrecking havoc by antagonizing the bitch and taking everyone out of their poker comfort zone (what he does incredibly well). Unfortunatly he lost to a rivered 1-outer (quads over boat) after putting her exactly where he wanted, but that did nothing to undermine the kind gesture just the same. I think it's called the tranference of negative energy or something? lol. He ended up sucking out all the anger from me and took the burden instead.

My observation of L.A. based on my experiences thus far, is that this city is very spoiled and often ungrateful. The people are blessed with an amazing climate and fingertip access to the finest things in the world, and yet they appear to be bitter and unappreciative. It is also often depressing to watch the flock of older immigrants who appear to be the hardest workers in the casino with the general maintenance labour they do, but who also get paid the least since their line of duty does not include hustling for tips. As I have made myself familiar with the gratuity system here, I find myself creating excuses to tip these people and reward considerate behaviour from all the staff. I think it's the little things that count. There is also a drastic difference between the mentality of a selfish employee and that of a benevolent one which can be observed in this simple illustration: after finishing my meal, I put a tip to the side of the table symbolizing that it can be cleared. A selfish floorperson who already hustles for tips comes over when he sees the coin and just pushes the table to the side while pocketing the money (it is not his job to clear tables), while on another occasion an infinitely more compassionate worker will call over a porter (who do all the dirty work) so he can work for that dollar instead. Perhaps example B was simply doing his job, but after seeing what he could have done, I was touched and tipped him as well.

Don't let me turn into a bitch here, but so far it appears that if your skin isn't thick enough you will get stepped on. I guess I'm a big softie at heart.

So what did I actually do for new years? Well, Marco's been a good friend on WOW (and school, but that's less significant :)), and I figured I'd probably just be at the tables if I didn't go out with him and his friends anyway, so I accepted his invite for Giant Maximus, and it turned out to be quite the experience. I got picked up from my hotel after they went in circles for like 2 hours like noobs :P We then met up with some of his friends at a girl's condo and everyone seemed really chill and excited for an eventful night. Her place was pretty nice in a complex downtown, and I asked about the rent price just to know my options. 

The venue was pretty crazy...a carnival in downtown L.A. with numerous tents of world-renowned DJs. Unfortunately shortly after we got in, the girl got arrested for getting caught taking a bump and being in possession of some pills. A group of her friends left with her, so after waiting around for awhile, it was just down to a group of 5 of us. I've never really been into rave culture even when it was big back in middle and high school, but I can definitely see its appeal as a diverse crowd was having the time of their lives bringing in the new year. It was a pretty intense party, but to tell you the truth, my mind was on one person and my girls back home. I hated how I didn't get reception on my phone the entire night, especially seeing Eric go on his every few minutes to call/text his girl. I also got tired pretty fast from not getting too much sleep the night before and only having a quick meal right when we got there. We ended up leaving at around 4ish, when it started to get really really cold from the lack of body heat. Eric was also feeling unwell and threw up a few times there and in the cab, and it was quite the mission getting back to his gf's to crash since he was completely delirious and we had to go through a looooot of trouble to get in to her place..

No need for details though, the good thing is that we all got back in one piece. As for me, I realized I'm really less outgoing than I ever realized. In fact, after seeing all the outrageous stuff that night, I feel a lot like an old fart. Maybe it's the place in my life I'm at right now, where I really can't afford to make more mistakes and stray off my goal. Or perhaps it's hard to have a good time with too much on my mind. I did have some ingenious thoughts on that crazy stuff I took though. That was my second time rolling but completely different than the first. It got so intense at some points that I was actually frightened because I didn't feel in control anymore. Well, if I do it again it's only gonna be with really close friends and in moderation. Still had a blast though :)

All the best in '09

Happy happy new years to all!

Had a pretty interesting experience to end off '08 and I realized I'm really more of an easy-night-out-with-close-friends kinda girl lol. Looking at the pics of Bungalow where Huyen, Syd, and Jere spent their new years, I really wished they were either in L.A. with me or I had just taken it easy back home with them. That isn't to say I didn't have an extraordinary night...I now know where to go if I ever do want to party damn hard again. 

The two days leading up to NYE was pretty rough at the tables for me. After the fiasco where I got stacked my last hand, I didn't feel like playing the next day until I was starving at 2 a.m. the next night with absolutely no food options except the casino. I had just come back home from the mall after spending $60 for cab fare to and from the mall, and getting nothing except some Victoria's Secret stuff for friends (we don't have it in Canada), and having my nails done. I guess I should have planned to get to the mall earlier rather than two hours before they close, but walking up at 6pm only meant 6 hours of sleep from a traumatizing night lol. So getting back to the story, I decided wee in the morning that I would call for a casino ride there, since the taxi service the hotel arranges is very inefficient, rude, and a total ripoff. I ended up speaking to 5 different casino representatives as they transferred me to different operators and finally got hung up on twice after being put on hold. I now know the driver by name after getting a ride back from him every night, and yet they can't find the right person to transfer me to drive me two damn blocks. Argh. 

So of course being the stubborn person I am, I decided to walk there by myself. I have been rigorously warned about the precautions to take while traveling to and from the Commerce, but I was damn hungry >.<

However, as soon as I stepped out, I headed back in again after walking a few meters. It was damn scary! The fog made it impossible to see clearly a few steps in front of you, and having never walked there yet, I was uncertain of the exact path to take. Logic rang an alarm in my head, so after some more deliberation I decided to head back in. I was so frustrated! I contemplated what I should do for the rest of the night: force myself to sleep until breakfast? Give in and call a crappy cab after almost getting in a fight with the last drivers? As I was thinking, I wandered to the fitness centre. It was a 24 hour facility that required a cardkey to get in. I checked out the impressive machines and clean change rooms, and couldn't wait to eat something so I'd have the energy to actually make use of the place. As I tried to leave, I realized my key no longer worked to get out. WTF -.- Someone had to be messing with me today! I tried every exit, but was on complete lockdown from the rest of the hotel, except for one door that led to an exit at the very back of the building to a street I didn't recognize. Ironically as I went out through this mystery door, I was able to see the main street that both the Commerce and my hotel were on. What the heck, I decided to walk it out...

Let me tell you, I have made some stupid decisions by putting myself in unsafe situations when I was younger, but that's cause I was too stubborn to truly understand the risks. This walk could have rivaled any horror movie scene, as only two cars passed me during the entire journey. The scary part, however, was that there were nothing but trees most of the way to my left, nothing visible within a few meter radius due to the fog, and a huge industrial street on my right, with a major highway beside that. Even if I screamed if something happened to me, I doubt anyone could really hear due to the traffic of the freeway and low visibility of the area. Anywho so I was glad to have made it to the Commerce in one piece, and I was ready for my noodles! I went to the washroom to dry up from the misty light rain and got seated at a short-handed table. Let me tell you I was not playing good poker that night. My mind was in a thousand places and I definitely should not have sat down at a table of regulars who were obviously glad to have me there. After being involved in a few difficult situations that left me withdrawing from the cage, I was really glad to see Tri! A familiar face in a tough city is definitely priceless as I enthusiastically told him about my abominable day. He ended up sitting at my table and offered his timeless wisdom as he continued to laugh at me for given a hard time by the floor people and always ending up with the second best hand the whole night. It was definitely quite the damage control session. 

Afterwards he asked me to accompany him to the laundromat, so I agreed, hoping to get some more poker advice in return :) He gave me some really helpful metagame advice and I've been putting lots of thought into it ever since then. I haven't hopped on the tables since because I'm still partially recovering from a physically demanding night, but players better watch out when I do :)