Feelings

I am back in my Toronto, currently looking for another lease even though I was only at my last condo for ~3 months last year. I really do intend on spending more time at home if I can help it, especially with so many new live Canadian stops and Full Tilt coming back soon. The WSOP was a stressful time and there are definitely things I would do differently next year. It was my second real World Series and I earnestly tried to focus only on poker but there was no escape from the noise and pressure to mold my own identity in this world. I will always be true to my values and remain stubborn in many of ways, but with recognition comes an interesting set of responsibilities that isn't always natural for my personality. I felt bad and still do because I put a lot of strain on my interpersonal relationships when I questioned people's motives out of my own insecurities this past summer.

 My dad and stepmom came to visit me and had a great time, as did my best friend Huyen and her Nick. It felt great to be able to show them the different facets of Vegas and I was proud to finally give them a glimpse into my lifestyle. I was also obnoxiously sick just from being in the dry desert and being exposed to violent AC so of course I felt guilty for the tournaments I had missed and stressed myself out even more trying to make up for it. Some sweet stuff did happen though. Simon, Dom and Vanessa won a bracelet, and I still do have that Stud8 final table. I also got an Ipad and a sweet massage at the tables for my birthday.

 It was a great WSOP for women and although I feel the glory from being a girl and am very happy for every one of these ladies, I think it's also alright to admit I'm jealous. It's not malicious, it just comes from my competitive drive since it makes me feel like I need to work harder and set the bar higher for myself. It's really an exciting time for players of every demographic with the predicted "second renaissance" of poker and this is a trend that is here to stay.

 WPT Parx and EPT Barcelona are next on my schedule. These are exciting times because I will be doing some footage for WPT's "Ones to Watch" segment so I will do my best to give them some impressive results. I am also honoured to have been selected to be a member of the inaugural EPT Player's Council. The first meeting is at EPT Barcelona which was also my very first EPT stop on my first trip to Europe in 2010. It's a beautiful city and I can't wait to stay by the beach at the Hotel Arts!

 I also know I don't say this enough, but thank you all so much for the Facebook messages, Tweets, and e-mails. I'm sorry I can't respond to all your kind words, but I can assure you they all make me feel really fuzzy inside, especially when I'm having a bad day. Hope I will see some of you at the tables soon.

Huyen & I at high tea at Mandarin Oriental

2p2 Pokercast main event viewing party leg wrestling: Canadians Terence Chan & Daniel Idema

Xuantron!

Dom winning a 1k lottery

Watching Dom win the lottery

Vanessa winning 1 bracelet in 10 games

Maridu's favourite sunset view from her apartment

Daytrip to Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario with fam

View of the Toronto skyline from Centre Island through the obscured lens of my Ipad

WSOP again

I'm here in Vegas during the WSOP and finally have a day off to update this silly excuse for a blog. I should have chronicled all my adventures in my last Europe trip to Vienna, Berlin, Dublin, and Monaco, but SCOOP immediately started when I returned home to Toronto and when I'm at home I want downtime to have very little to do with poker.

The non-poker aspect of the Euro trip was amazing, and despite the poker aspect not being monetarily rewarding, it was a good trip for the development of my game and career. I stayed focused, ate well, worked out, rarely drank, and played my top game in tournaments and cash throughout the entire 5 weeks abroad, including the Party Poker Premier League Playoffs and some 100/200 mixed in Vienna.

After the Grand Finals I went to Aruba for a much needed getaway and met the talented WPT Boot Camp crew. I played a few random days of SCOOP in Toronto after that and was up a bit overall but mainly just went to the gym a ton and pigged out on home-cooking afterwards in preparation for a long summer in the desert. It's now two weeks into the series and I feel like my efforts have already paid off and my chances of a bracelet are still very much alive. I have been playing and going deeper in the mixed events, including a final table in the $1500 Stud8. Coming that close to a bracelet only makes me want to work harder, especially since I made a silly error misreading my hand at the final table! Right before I lost an extra 1bb for misreading that I had a low on 7th in a crucial hand, I was telling my amazing rail how anxious and nervous I was. I have to learn how to function better under pressure. Anyone have any good advice for this? I feel like I can never play my A game when when people are paying attention, which is really depressing because all the money in tournament poker is made at the final table.

I'm staying with the charismatic Maridu at the coveted Panorama Towers. I'm rarely ever here with my long work hours but she keeps me optimistic and rightfully excited for what's to come. In her words, nothing ever phases me. I am, however, looking forward to my dad and my stepmom visiting me in less than two weeks, as well as my best friend and her boyfriend in early July. It will be there first time travelling further than Niagara Falls to watch me play poker! It's been a record-breaking WSOP for women, but there's still plenty of hardware up for grabs so I won't be slowing down any time soon.

Sleepless Rant

I'm awake at 5am for the third night in a row. The first was deliberate, as I had an early morning flight to catch back to Toronto from Vegas. I thought the second restless night was due to my discovery of a Dominion app, which kept me up between 3:30 and 11am. Tonight I am certain something's awry because I am exhausted but my heart is beating like a hammer as I lay in bed after a 30min nap at 4am.

This is going to sound super cheesy, but I think I'm a little anxious my life is currently going so well. It wasn't too long ago when I made the conscious decision to be happy, and things are falling into place so very nicely in pretty much every facet of my personal and work life. I was very directionless with an unsteady foundation of self-esteem at one point. I've read dozens of "self-help" books in between my poker literature and have gone on various forms of self-exploration. I think I've come a long way, and the mission now is to make this trend sustainable.

My trips to Vegas and Cali were probably the best I've ever had. No poker victories in the three tournaments I played, but a lot of enjoyable downtime hanging out with people I'm glad I got to know a little better. I've always had mixed feelings towards L.A., but the weather and food tends to make me forget all the bad stuff. We were lucky enough to stay in a guesthouse in the Hills and wake up to dogs running around and roses outside our window, far away from the Commerce noise.

It was also my first time in San Jose, and I was quite impressed by Bay 101 and their hospitality. I may be a tad biased since I was spoiled and felt a little out of place on a private jet along with some of poker's finest, but honestly, the tournament was so much fun to play and even just to be around. I couldn't get much going at the feature table with Elky, Jason Mercier, Nick Grippo, and 3rd place superstar FloesKnowShoes, but I'm satisfied with my play without a hand all day. I also signed my first autograph! His name was Mark and he had two glossy photos of my EPT and PCA final table shots. I'm sure he has a collection of pro portraits, but it still made me kind of giddy inside.

I also had a lot of fun in Vegas. We drove an hour through the desert to Mt. Charleston to snowboard. Microclimates are cool. I'm still a noob who makes a lot of mental errors, but I'm starting to have a lot of fun off my butt and am pretty impressed by my own progress. I hit my head really hard which was scary, but the permanent damage is probably comparable to a night of heavy drinking. I also left a nice ~$350 tip in the rental jacket pocket. The next day we went hiking at Red Rock. Not gonna lie; I totally got dragged into it. My tailbone hurt and I wasn't sure about messing with mountains two days in a row, but I was glad I did by the time we were lying down sunbathing up top.

I want to get in top notch shape before WSOP. I've already solicited the help of my good friend Seok (who just had an Epic Meal Time themed party) as a personal motivator. I don't think I have too many insecurities about my body. My physique and workout regimen fluctuates and I enjoy playing sports and staying active in ways that don't involve me feeling like a hamster on a wheel. I just want to consistently be able to perform at my best, since poker is by and large a game of mental and physical stamina. It won't be easy, since I love food very much. We didn't grow up with much, but my grandma always told me that everything can be compromised, except a good meal. I think publicizing this goal will help me stay on track.

Alright, time to try to sleep again. My pending schedule for the next few months: Toronto, WPT Vienna, EPT Berlin, EPT Monte Carlo, PPC Aruba, Toronto, WSOP. My lease in Toronto expires in May so it's also time to figure out where I want to live next. An epic cross-Asia trip sometime after the series is also in the works.

Good night and sweet dreams.

Bring it on, 2012

I enjoy blogging but life has been good to me and I've been busy. Since my last blog I've been to Hawaii, learned how to snowboard, final tabled PCA, celebrated the Dragon Lunar New Year at home, went to Whistler/Vancouver, and saw old friends at the Fallsview Poker Classic.

Half an hour before New Years countdown I was still at my computer, grinding away hyper-turbos to make Supernova for the year. No, it's not a significant milestone by any grinder standards but I spent much of 2011 on the road so it was an achievement for me. I was also very lucky to have some of my favourite people right behind me sacrifice half of their evening for my sake. It was a really good night.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to do PCA, Aussie Millions, both, or neither the first week of January. I think I made the right decision. I played the best six days of poker of my life and was profoundly rewarded. I made sweet plays, soul-read, induced, stayed focused, and had the best rail and support system. After day 3 I often was barely top 5 at many of my tables but I played fearlessly against these sickos and capitalized on my strengths. I didn't have to win a true flip for all of my chips at any point in the tournament, except in a 3-way pot with JJ where I lost chips to QQ but AK had me covered, still resulting in a net loss. I lost AK vs. AA to a short Ruben Visser. I won a huge bvb pot AQ to KT vs. Assasinato for the chiplead with 2 tables left. I won AK vs. QJ to someone who didn't trust girls' 3-bets. I played great postflop, minus a questionable play early at the final table against Kyle Julius. I lost A7 to Faraz Jaka's A6 for 4th place. I added $600,000 to my tournament winnings this year.

I could elaborate and write an extensive essay on the 44 hand vs. Kyle's QQ but I won't. I talk about it briefly in some interviews. In a nutshell it was probably too marginal, but taking everything else into consideration I don't mind it. Some people loved it and others hated it. Pulling triggers is usually a good thing as long as you're thinking.

I haven't watched any of the coverage or interviews from my Final Table because I'm one of those people who cringe at how awkward I am when I hear my own voice or see myself on video. The hole cards were on a delay, so I got most of the scoop from my rail. I feel like I've gotten a lot better with interviews, but I could definitely still use some media training. I also looked super tired, because I was! Playing 6 long days of intense poker will do that to you. I was also very touched with all the support from Tweeters and the general media, I wish I had time to reply to them all.

I also tried to fly my parents and my sister down to watch my final table, but it wasn't meant to be. They ended up wasting six hours at the airport, and I didn't find out they weren't coming until after my bustout. I pretty much passed out immediately. I was crushed, but still managed to have a great time at the Pokerstars party the next day. I missed my morning flight of course, but it turned out alright because I was around to bail out Timex' friend from Bahamian jail.

I'm proud to be a poker player. I don't advertise this fact to the general public enough. As a group I think we are mostly generous, good-hearted people. We have flexible schedules and get to travel the world playing a game, so of course we should be happier than most. Sometimes we run bad and even the best foods lose flavour, but if you are skilled enough, other players will take care of you. Having said this, I also believe many of us live in a bubble. We undervalue almost everything, and easily lose perspective on what's important. I know I'm just starting off in the poker world, but I never want that to happen to me.

LAPC and Bay 101 is next, and I will most likely be in Europe for WPT Vienna, EPT Berlin, and EPT Monte Carlo in April. Happy Year of the Dragon and see you guys on the felt!